


Battlefield

by high_functioning_sociopath



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 15:44:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18663370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/high_functioning_sociopath/pseuds/high_functioning_sociopath
Summary: It was nearly 2 AM when he got the call.Accident.Hospital.May.It was nearly 4 AM when he called Mr. Stark.Accident.Hospital.May.It was nearly 5 AM when he was tucked into a bed in Stark Tower.Accident.Hospital.May.It was nearly 11 AM when he finally fell asleep.





	Battlefield

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the warnings, this fic is short but it gets bad before it gets better and I certainly don't want to trigger anyone. For those who are cool with it, I hope you enjoy!

It was nearly 2 AM when he got the call.

Accident.

Hospital.

May.

It was nearly 4 AM when he called Mr. Stark.

Accident.

Hospital.

May.

It was nearly 5 AM when he was tucked into a bed in Stark Tower.

Accident.

Hospital.

_ May. _

It was nearly 11 AM when he finally fell asleep.

__________

It was a fitful sleep, but it was sleep nonetheless. It was dark outside when he awoke, and he vaguely wondered how long he had been asleep before deciding that he truly didn’t care. It took a long time, but eventually he got up, using all the energy he could muster, and dragged himself out of the bedroom.

“Hey, kid,” Tony said mournfully when Peter appeared in the kitchen. “How’s dinner sound?”

A shake of his head was all Peter could manage before sitting down on a stool by the kitchen island.

Tony nodded. “Alright. But let me know as soon as you get hungry.”

Peter didn’t respond this time, choosing instead to lay his head down on the island. Thoughts were swirling around his head that he didn’t know how to handle, thoughts about May.

About how she was gone.

About how he was utterly, truly alone.

It was only a matter of time, he supposed, before he had the last person in his life taken from him. First his parents, then Uncle Ben. It was inevitable.

Peter was poison.

Without thinking anymore about it, he stood up, letting the stool clatter to the ground before making a dash for the door. He had to leave. He had to get away from Mr. Stark before he lost the single good thing he had left in this world.

__________

Mr. Stark had made him see a counselor. It was awful.

She pretended to understand, but how on earth could she? He had lost  _ everything _ . No one could understand that. Not even him.

__________

He woke up screaming most nights. Screaming at god, screaming at the world. Screaming at himself. He was Spider-Man. He saved people every single day. How had he failed to save her?

__________

It took a few months for the adoption to go through, and when it did, Tony planned a party. It was the last thing Peter wanted, but he was grateful to Mr. Stark and wasn’t about to rain on his parade. He faked a smile and let the noise in.

__________

The panic attack rose in his throat. He could feel it. He was in a souvenir shop, trying to find something to buy for Mr. Stark after everything he had done for him, when he saw it. A keychain with bright, glittery block letters spelling out MAY.

He went to the bathroom and cried until there were no more tears left.

__________

It had been half a year when the first attempt came. Tony had rushed to his side and scooped the bleeding boy into his arms, yelling at JARVIS to call an ambulance. Panicking. 

Peter woke to a bright white light, fuzzy brain wondering if this was heaven. But people who do what he did didn’t go to heaven. When he finally realized he was in a hospital, he cried.

__________

_ Suicide watch _ , he heard an unfamiliar voice say, and Mr. Stark agreed.

__________

He arrived home to find the worried eyes of the Avengers trained on him. His face flushed from embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could think to say before he was enveloped in hugs.

__________

“It’s going to get better, Peter. I promise.” Nat’s voice broke through his thoughts as she sat down next to him.

“How would you know?” he choked out.

“I have experience.”

_ No offense,  _ he didn’t say,  _ but no one has experience with this. _

__________

“He’s going to heal,” Bruce told Tony, who was cradling not his first glass of scotch. He took a large swig and let out a deep breath.

“We can only hope.”

__________

The second attempt happened on his birthday, with dozens of people littering the tower in celebration. He had tried harder this time, and when he once again woke up in a hospital bed, he sighed.

“Why?” Tony’s voice broke with unshed tears.

Peter lolled his head to the side to look at his adoptive father, eyes empty. “Sweet sixteen. We were gonna go up to a cabin and celebrate together.”

He didn’t ask anymore questions.

__________

It had been a year. They went to her grave, adorned in black suits, flowers in hand.

For the first time in his life, Peter didn’t know what to say to his aunt.  _ Hey, May. Sorry I tried to kill myself. Twice. I know it would destroy you, but apparently I’m a selfish bastard. _

“It’s okay,” Tony said softly, and Peter looked up, startled. “You don’t have to say anything. Just being here is enough.”

For the first time in a year, Peter genuinely smiled.

__________

He was laughing. Not a snarky laugh, or a humorless one, like he had taken to doing. Honest-to-god laughing. Tony stuck his head in to see why and noticed Peter sitting on the couch with Clint, playing a video game together.

“I’ve got you now!” Clint shouted, but Peter didn’t seem fazed. He pressed a few buttons and one of the characters on the screen got knocked out and had his health bar reach zero. Clint groaned and Peter whooped. Tony smiled.

There was his boy.

__________

“Mr. Stark--”

“Tony.”

“Tony,” he amended bashfully, “Do you think I could...have my suit?”

Tony flashed a smile before going to his closet and grabbing out the familiar red and blue suit that had gone unused since May’s death. He handed it to Peter. “Go. Be Spider-Man.”

Peter grinned and Tony’s heart warmed. His boy was back.


End file.
